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SWOOSH ENGLISH IELTS STUDENT ESSAY

Hello IELTS students,

Do you agree IELTS writing can be difficult to get a band score 7+?

Let’s make things easier for you by showing you one of our students’ answers as well as the corrections and feedback!

Can you improve this answer? What did the student do incorrectly?

Writing task 2

The capacity of the brain has always surprised us with its his limitless abilities, such as the ability to learn multiple languages. There are statistics which claim that children should commence to learning a foreign language from the primary school instead of from secondary school. In this case there are both advantages and disadvantages.
Concerning the advantages of  for starting to study an unknown language at primary school, one benefit could be that for children it might be much easier to learn it, because the younger they are, the faster they absorb thenew information.
Moreover, if children are able to understand another language, they will develop a variety of skills which will influence their manner of toapproaching a task. Furthermore, by being taught a differentstinctlanguage from a the very young age, children are more likely to make friendships and to have an active social life, the fact that will decrease their chances of to becominge shy and introverted persons.
Considering the disadvantages, a significant countable one could be that it may create a high level of distress. Nowadays, the educational system is structured in a such way that children do not have time anymore to enjoy their childhood and play because of the large amount of homework and because the subjects that they have to study are so vast.
In conclusion, the advantages of studying a foreign language starting with primary school surpass the disadvantages because of a the variety diversity of reasons. Regarding my life experience, if I had not learned English at primary school I would not have been successful at the interview that I have to pass and I would not be working in United Kingdom .
This example would be better in your first paragraph to support the benefits of learning a foreign language. Remember that no new information should be included in the conclusion.
These are better than your last assignment, the language flows more naturally and the sentences are better constructed, although you still have a few word choice issues. 6.5.

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