Hello IELTS students,
Do you have the same challenges with IELTS writing task 2 as this student below?
Let’s see if you can learn from this students IELTS essay answer!
What are the advantages and disadvantages of modern women’s rights in relation to what was traditionally expected of them as just housewives?
In modern society, women have more free time than before and it allows
ed them to both work and take care of a their home life and their kids at the same time. In my opinion, although there are some drawbacks for a mother who is working, I believe that the advantages outweigh are far more advantages than these disadvantages.
On one hand, there is a danger that the time a woman spends at work, may result in
with a weaker bond between her and her children. Work might cause a mother to skip some important events of her kidskid’s life such as school performances, football matchmatch’s or parentsparent’s evenings children meeting at school. T and there is no possibility to bring those moments back.
On the other hand, women no longer want to be
consideredthought of, as having they have no bigger ambition than being a housewife and raising kids. They want to fulfil their aspirations, contribute to the household, be appreciated by their manager and , get a promotion. Households with working mothers have some advantages not only for her, but also for her children. The children ycan get an opportunities y to help their parents in everyday duties, such as cleaning their own room, taking out the garbage or feeding a pet. Those responsibilities improve the childrenchildren’sindependency and they learn a valuable lessons for future life.
In conclusion, although there is a risk of a not having a
s strong relationship between the mother and her children, I believe that theadvantages for both mother and children outweigh thedisadvantages. The m Mother is able to fulfil her ambitions and her children learn life’s responsibilities and gain independency.
It’s generally a good response as you answer the question, you have a clear opinion, and you have one central idea in each body paragraph. You made good use of linking words.
I corrected errors in spelling, punctuation and grammar. I added the word ‘the’ many times into your sentences. Your use of prepositions needs to be considered when writing.
Some of your sentences needed to be restructured for a clearer meaning.
Band Score – 7