Swoosh English IELTS Student Essay: Task 2-9

Hello IELTS students,
Do you have the same challenges with IELTS writing task 2 essay as this student below?
Let’s see if you can learn from this IELTS task 2 essay student’s answer!
People remember special gifts and presents that they receive. Why?
Contribution is one of the nicest behaviours in everyone’s life and most of them are memorable. The reasons could be different for instance: birthday, anniversary, Christmas, surprise,love…etc.
First of all, a gift is always special when it is given by a very close person. No matter how big the present, people certainly remember of it. At my age of 14, when I finished Pprimary Sschool, I have received a gold ring from my grandparents. It was a special gift from them, so I always keep it on my finger or on my necklace. Sadly, at the meantime my grandparents passed away and now since I consider this present as a more special gift. Everytime I look at it I remember the time we spent together.
Secondly, many times people obtain presents which they could never afford. It can be a car, an exotic holiday or any expensive and immense gifts. These are always unforgettable as they could be never accessible for the person who received them. In some cases these gifts can make closer relationships between two person people.  For example, many years ago I have got a big and expensive camera from my auntie, which I would never be able to buy on my own.  The moment when she gave it to me I became speechless. I will never forget it! I take care of this camera very much and I call it „Ica”( this is my uncles name ).
Finally, I believe that gifts are very important in our life. It does not have to be special or huge, if we get it from a beloved person it will be always be a good memory in our lives.
( 276 words )
You have used a good structure with clear points, showing that you have understood the question. You have used your vocabulary well. In your introduction you could have written more – paraphrased the question and you could also state what you are going to discuss in the essay. Your main body paragraphs go into the topic well. The conclusion summarises your main points and ends on a clear opinion.
Improvements – There were some minor spelling and punctuation errors which needed correcting. Work on writing your introductions – look at the examples.
Band Score – 6
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